Ask Rabbi Daniel Lapin

Susan,

There is a joke which revolves around Sherlock Holmes and Watson when the two men were on a camping trip. One night, lying in their sleeping bags, Sherlock Holmes says to Watson, “Tell me what you see.” Watson proceeds to describe the starry night, the moon’s glow and the rustling trees. Holmes says, “What do these things tell you?” Watson elaborates on nature’s wonders and the joys of camping. Holmes responds, “They tell me that our tent has been stolen!”

Like Holmes, you are aware that what is missing is often a story in itself. It is quite evident that when Moses’ seeks an assistant or someone to succeed him, his sons are not even considered.

While we can’t go into a detailed examination here, we can say that the Bible is truth and this detail highlights a reality of life. Moses, who gave so much to his people and who served God so faithfully, was not successful as a father. He even neglected his sons’ circumcisions.

You can probably relate this concept of “the shoemakers son goes barefoot” to individuals you know or hear about who neglect their own families because of the important work they do. Moses’ experiences stand as a warning to us all that, difficult as it is, we must be vigilant to take care of our own families while playing our necessary and complex roles on the larger stage.

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
 

Dear Chris,

If you have been reading the ‘Ask the Rabbi’ column for any length of time or learned from any of our book or audio teachings, you know that we value the power of both prayer and mentors. However, powerful things can be misused and misapplied.

When Moses and the children of Israel were trapped between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army, we find an amazing verse. In Exodus 15:14, God tells Moses, “Why are you calling to me? Speak to the children of Israel and they should travel.” Like all of Scripture, this message is applicable to our lives today. There is a time for prayer and there is a time for action.

Ancient Jewish wisdom is adamant that the final decision to marry belongs to the man and woman involved, not with their friends, spiritual advisors or even parents. Those all have a useful role as the relationship starts and develops, but not at the finish line. When the couple faces hard times, as all couples do, the husband and wife must know that they, and they alone, chose to commit to each other. 

From the wording of your question, it sounds to us as if you know this is not a relationship with promise, but don’t want to step forward and actively take responsibility for ending it. You seem to be hoping that you can be a passive beneficiary of other people’s decisiveness and are frustrated that your fiancée isn’t making this easy for you.

We don’t know why you dated for three years, don’t seem to have a wedding date in sight, and are only now beginning to consider if this is a good choice. At this point, you and you alone, need to make a decision. If your decision is to end this relationship, we strongly advise you to gain clarity as to your behavior over the last three years before moving forward with any new dating experiences. And, yes, a wise mentor and advisor would be a big help in doing so.

Rabbi and Susan Lapin
 

Mark,

I’m going to take advantage of your question to inaugurate a change in the Ask the Rabbi column. The fact is that since the beginning, Susan and I have answered these questions as a team and this is an example of a question that she will have more input into than I. 

We have never tried to prioritize our top ten parenting tips, but if we did, not having a television would probably rank right up there. Without TV, our kids made their own entertainment.  Having a full house meant there were always companions around. In addition to the thousands of books they devoured, they were constantly using their imaginations (along with furniture, construction toys and everything else in the house) to sail off to foreign shores, set up businesses and practice army maneuvers. The dark secret of TV is that it stifles imagination. The more you watch, the less capable you become of filling hours without it.

From a very young age our children were a vital part of running our home.  They became competent in the kitchen at young ages, did their own laundry and helped out in all sorts of ways. While we occasionally heard rumblings about chores, our children knew better than to utter the words, “I’m bored.” We were only too happy to hear that as there were always dishes that needed washing, floors that needed mopping and long lists of other jobs that had not yet been assigned. They also spent a great deal of time running enterprises such as lemonade stands and offering various services to neighbors.

We did sometimes watch videos, a practice that started when six of the children had chicken pox. We showed them Mary Poppins over the course of three nights, allowing Susan a chance to quietly make dinner by herself  and have a break from the ‘Mommy Camp’ she was running for the invalids. For many years after that, videos were a rare activity which we watched together as a family.  Sometimes the younger ones watched a Winnie the Pooh type video and then went to bed while the older family members saw more advanced fare. But solitary watching almost never happened unless someone was sick and needed to be isolated. To our regret, as our older children grew, watching videos with friends became a more frequent pastime for Saturday nights. In retrospect, we wish we would have limited that time even more.

Today, the challenge is far greater with movies and TV shows instantly accessible via computer.  But the principle still holds that passively watching electronic entertainment is one of the least productive uses of time and the more you watch the less creative you are.

If TV and video watching is already part of your life, eliminating it or cutting down on the hours will be a painful process. But if you can endure the transition, the results are well worth it.
 

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin

Dear Lisa,

Questions about tithing top my ‘most frequently asked’ list. I can’t answer you as to what Christians are required to do but I can give some insight what the Torah says.

The Torah asks us to give a minimum of 10% of after tax income to charity. That does not mean that Jews must give it to their home synagogue. The term charity is defined by certain parameters, and as long as a charity falls within those parameters, money given can count as part of the 10%.  We Jews are encouraged to prioritize our giving in certain ways, both in choosing where we give as well as the way in which the charity is given. So a local need would probably be attended to before one further away and giving in a way which helps someone become self-sufficient is valued over simply giving money to a poor person.

You might find it interesting to know that, with exceptions made for extremely wealthy individuals, there is a recommended maximum of 20% when it comes to giving. While charity is seen as vital and required, Jews are cautioned against elevating giving money away above other positive uses money has. One should make sure not to give so much that taking care of one’s own needs, saving, investing, having insurance etc., get neglected.  It is not seen as positive to behave in a way that you might needlessly end up needing charity yourself.  Judaism also values ideas such as starting a business where you hopefully will profit but in the process you benefit others with your skills or product and might even be a source of employment for many people.

So, while both Jews and Christians use the words charity and tithing, they may not always stand for  identical ideas.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Gayle,

You are asking a basic question which relates to just about everything I teach, not just the story of Noah. I wrote part of the following in an ‘Ask the Rabbi’ response in March 2010, but we have so many thousands of new Thought Tool subscribers since then that I think it’s time to repeat and expand it.

The short answer is that ancient Jewish wisdom flows from the Bible, but along with the written Scripture given to Moses was an oral component which he proceeded to teach in the desert over the next forty years. This wisdom has been passed down, teacher to student, parent to child since that time. About two thousand years ago it began to be written down in shorthand form for fear of it becoming forgotten and is studied and taught in traditional Torah oriented seminaries till today.

I am fortunate to be a link in that chain of transmission having been taught by my father and also by my great-uncle. They in their turn were each taught by the generations preceding them. In her book, Daniel Deronda, author George Eliot refers to the rabbis as “the great Transmitters”. One very valid way to judge the degree to which a rabbi is a reliable source of knowledge is to ascertain how faithful his ‘transmission’ is to the past, and who his link to that transmission is. Examples and delivery can be updated and modernized, but not the essence of the teaching itself.

This accumulated knowledge, much of which has been written down in thousands of untranslatable and impenetrable pages, is what I refer to as ancient Jewish wisdom. This is the core of what Susan and I share on our TV show and in our books and audio CDs.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Carolyn,

We’re so glad that you enjoy our teachings. Since Passover falls in a few days, we’d like to answer your question with an answer that springs from the Hagadah, the play book for the Passover Seder.

 How violent is the Old Testament?  Is it violent when it insists on compassion for the widow and orphan?  Is it violent when it requires the lender to restore the borrower’s pledge if he needs it to earn a living?  Is it violent when it urges an army to offer peace to a besieged city? 

Here’s the thing, Carolyn, life is so good for most Americans, and so utterly secure that we have become accustomed to seek someone to sue every time anyone gets a booboo.  We just assume that violence no longer exists other than perhaps occasionally in really bad parts of town and occasionally in really bad parts of the globe.  We now feel that violence and suffering are no longer a sad but common part of life.  Instead we see violence as an aberration that can and must be stopped.  The reality is quite different.  If we announce to the world (or to our neighborhood) that we will never practice violence, we will suffer an increase of it.  Only by fighting the bandit, executing the serial murderer, and defeating the invader, do we win the privilege of peace and tranquility. There is violence in the Bible because it is a part of the real world. Using harsh measures appropriately, as God does, enables more good people to live more tranquilly than they otherwise would. That having been said, we recommend you do not answer the question.  Here’s why:

Each year on Passover Eve, we speak of four sons who ask questions. One son is wise; one wicked; one simple and one who doesn’t know how to ask. Each human being is a composite of all four, in varying degrees, and we are encouraged to search ourselves to see in what proportion the four prototypes exist in us. The response to the wicked son seems callous and indifferent. We are told to spurn his question. Why?

The truth is that he is not asking a question, he is telling one. How do you tell a question? You do so by framing a belligerent statement in question form. In reality, you are making a declaration rather than seeking edification. An example of this might be, “Why do Republicans want to see old people starving on the street?” or a teenager saying to his or her parents, “Why do you never want me to be happy?” There is no way to answer those ‘questions’ until the one asking them is truly interested in a dialogue rather than delivering a diatribe. Trying to engage the questioner is a futile endeavor.

Seeking to understand the way in which God seems to be portrayed in Scripture, when it goes against our vision of God, is a valid and reasonable pursuit. However, if one is adamant about already knowing the answer (a la “because Republicans are cruel and evil” or “because you hate me”) then there is no point in continuing the conversation.

Many years ago, in the days when meals were still served routinely on planes, our mother, Rebbetzin Lapin, received her kosher meal. Her seatmate informed her that he used to be kosher, but stopped following Jewish law after hearing of the Holocaust. After all, “How could a just and kind God allow the Holocaust to happen?” Further conversation revealed that he was twenty-five years old when the Holocaust became known, and had stopped keeping kosher at age twenty. Our very wise mother told him that seeking to understand God and His actions was worthy, but using God as an excuse for doing what one wanted to do anyway, was cowardly. (She was one tough lady).

Your friends sound a bit like that airplane passenger. You cannot debate them on the issue. You can only wait for their hearts to open and be available to guide them to answers when they truly ask a question.

Rabbi and Susan Lapin
 

Dear Pari,

What an interesting question. As a writer, I constantly need to choose whether to repeatedly use the cumbersome language ‘he or she’ or, for example, to say mail carrier instead of assuming that people will recognize that mailman references a job, not a gender.

We can certainly find instances in the Bible where the word ‘man’ is meant to specify masculine human beings as well as other instances where it includes all humanity. When the verse specifies woman, on the other hand, it is limiting the meaning to females only. I can only think that for centuries our language copied this precedence so that man could mean masculine human beings or it could mean mankind in the broader sense.

However, gender neutrality and its partner gender specificity are certainly part of today’s daily culture. There are instances where the change in language makes sense and others where it is an offering to the god of political correctness. Rather than weighing in on your congregation’s dilemma, I’d like to suggest that your committee asks itself why this is a big issue. Could the language debate be revealing a tendency to bicker over petty matters or perhaps a substantial dissatisfaction among the women involved? It would seem to me that adults could opt to let whomever the chair(man) is choose how (he or she) wants to be addressed or allow each person to use whatever title comes naturally to (his or her) tongue.

If this issue is truly divisive and people are spending time on it rather than doing productive work or going home to their families, then it seems to me that a reevaluation of more than language is needed.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Angie,

I’m glad that you felt comfortable asking your question. The nations of the world emerged after the Flood, from the three sons of Noah. Generations later, a descendant of one of those sons was Abraham, the father of the Jewish nation. Ancient Jewish wisdom talks of 70 nations of the world, in addition to the one nation who received the Ten Commandments on Mt. Sinai.

I think you are laboring under the fallacy that God rejected the other nations by singling out the Jews for a special relationship. The Jews were chosen to be held to a higher level of accountability and yoked with additional restrictions to be ‘a light unto the nations.’ A small group adhering to a higher standard raises the level for everyone. All the nations benefit when the Jews behave properly – unfortunately a task at which we fail all too often.

There is specific discussion in Scripture of God not expelling any nations from the land of Israel unless their actions warranted that exile. Israel was exiled for lesser sins than any of the other nations. God does reach out to all the nations; they can fulfill their destinies and merit closeness to God by observing the seven laws given to Noah. Ruth and Rahab converted to Judaism, at which time they accepted responsibility for another 606 laws. But Judaism does not mandate that closeness to, or pleasing God, is predicated on being Jewish, except for those who are born into the Jewish people or join it through conversion. A loving and reciprocal relationship with God is available to all.

Your rabbi plus,

Daniel and Susan Lapin

P.S. This question came specifically addressed to Susan. Over the past few years, we have answered all the ‘Ask the Rabbi’ questions together, so this actually represents reality.
 

Dear Jeff,

In my audio CD, Day for Atonement, I discuss how we can spend an entire day not hearing our refrigerator’s motor cycling, yet at 2 a.m. that sound comes across loud and clear. Today, we are so bombarded with activity and other people’s opinions that we are losing the ability to listen to our inner instincts. I’m glad you are taking the time to pay attention to your senses. If time after time our instincts are proven wrong then some self-exploration is demanded, but most of us with healthy lives benefit from paying more attention to our gut reactions.

This is to say that I think you are correct. The attempts to make Scripture gender-neutral are based on a number of fallacies. First and foremost it increases the inherent problem of reducing God to our level. In Hebrew there are a variety of names for God, each highlighting one aspect of His unlimited essence. Some (a minority) of the names are grammatically feminine, representing a feminine quality. Additionally, in order to speak in a language to which we can relate, the Bible uses phrases such as ‘His arm.’ God does not have an arm, yet the phrase helps us understand what is going on. Using the pronoun ‘she’ half the time when referring to God would be missing and confusing the point.

When it comes to phrases in Proverbs or other verses referring to people it would also be a mistake to use squishy language. There are verses referring specifically to females and others which refer either to men or to humankind. Attempting to show an equal gender representation would misrepresent these verses.

In essence, we can either read the Bible and attempt to learn from it or we can superimpose our ideologies on it and attempt to change it. I know which of those choices I find more valuable and I believe you do too.

Thank you for your kind comments on Tower of Power.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Ruth,

Thanks for giving me a chance to clear up any confusion that exists. I was paraphrasing Winston Churchill who said that socialism makes everyone equal – equally miserable. Because in Tower of Power it becomes clear that Nimrod is a prototype for a socialist dictator, I added in the words, “the dream of Nimrod.” Since I was speaking, not writing, you can’t see quotation marks that make this clear.

Those words weren’t part of Churchill’s original speech.  I apologize for the lack of clarity.

I’m so glad that you loved Tower of Power.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Steven

II had a wonderful time speaking to such a large and wonderful crowd that night at Covenant Church in Dallas, and I hope you enjoyed it as well. Let me help you understand why your concordance is showing the words in Genesis, chapter 2 as the same, while a Hebrew Bible shows you that they are different.

If my wife and I were each to say the word for drawing with a crayon, we would both say the same word. However, if we wrote it out, she would write ‘colored’ while I might write ‘coloured’ based on my Commonwealth upbringing. The spelling variation is meaningless.

However, in Scripture, as transmitted from Moses until this very day, words in the Bible are frequently spelled in more than one way. This is extremely meaningful. The word to which you are referring, ‘formed’ is an example of this. There are certain letters with spiritual import. When a word has one of these letters added, most of the time the pronunciation doesn’t change – but the impact of the word does change. So the words for the ‘forming’ of man and the animals sound alike and are technically the same. That is what your concordance is reflecting. However, the Hebrew, by the addition of a letter from God’s name, shows that when man was formed there was an added touch of Godliness – men and animals are not alike.

Susan and I have run a Holy Hebrew webinar twice so far, in which we concentrated on these differences. We hope to run another one in 2011 or to have a Holy Hebrew product for sale on our site. I do focus on these variant spellings in my various teachings and I find it one of the most exciting parts of learning and transmitting ancient Jewish wisdom.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Anastasia,

Facebook is ubiquitous, isn’t it? I do post Thought Tools every week on Facebook. Your friends can find me at Daniel Lapin on Facebook or fiollow me on Twitter at daniellapin. 

Thought Tools are also posted at www.RabbiDanielLapinsblog.com.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Nikita,

There are some ideas which have no basis in truth and yet take a stubborn hold on people’s hearts. These include things like silly superstitions. There are other ideas which started from a true foundation but have been distorted beyond all recognition. Astrology is an example of this category.

As I explain in more detail in my audio CD, Day for Atonement: Heavenly Gift of Spiritual Serenity, it is absurd to think that one-twelfth of the world’s population is going to have the same experiences during a certain month. For that reason, the charts that appear in newspapers and magazines are pretty worthless.

However, there is an element of truth in the idea that there are heavenly cycles which affect human beings on a grand scale. Ancient Jewish wisdom tells us that Abraham revealed the specific attributes of the lunar cycles. These ideas were adopted by the Greeks and Romans and so the symbols such as Taurus, Gemini and Libra do have a solid underpinning. However, we would be foolish to draw conclusions about our lives or the choices we always face based on the date of our birth.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Rich,

A more correct translation of the Scripture you quote, is, “I shall be that which I shall be.”

But you are right that there is no way of saying, for example, “I am sitting” in Hebrew. One ends up saying, “I sitting”.

I do wish you had signed up for our Holy Hebrew! course.  In addition to learning the technical fundamentals of Hebrew reading, we discussed this question and so many other ways in which Hebrew reveals reality.

In short, time is one of the most difficult things for limited human comprehension to grasp. Past and future merge together at an instant we refer to as the present, but in reality the present is the bridge between those two times, rather than having an existence of its own.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Anthony,

I’m glad that you are enjoying Thou Shall Prosper. You do have your commandments in correct order. Numbers four and nine are two examples of the same principle. The principle is presented as a positive on the first tablets and as a negative on the second one. Every time that we honor the Sabbath and even the very fact that the world operates on a seven day weekly cycle, we are acknowledging that God created the world in six days and rested on the seventh.

In my audio CD, The Ten Commandments: How Two Tablets Can Transform Your Life, I explain this in more detail, including attempts by various atheistic regimes to change the weekly cycle to five days. They understood the implicit statement being made by following a seven day week. We witness that God is the Creator by observing His Sabbath.

Human relationships are shattered when people misrepresent each other’s statements and actions. For a society to function successfully, honesty and trust are necessary. Commandment nine emphasizes the importance of this principle.

I have to add that this is not “my take” on the commandments. I teach what I have been taught in as a recipient of a long chain of ancient Jewish wisdom.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Rodger,

When a five year old says, “If I had that toy, I would never ask for another thing,” is he lying? How about when an adult says, “Let’s get together sometime,” when he or she has no intention of doing anything to make that happen?

The child, of course, is saying what he believes to be true. He simply doesn’t have the maturity to know how unrealistic that statement is. The adult is attempting to be polite and is working on the assumption that his or her words are not going to be accepted literally.

When we do want to emphasize that we mean what we say, we tend to use words such as, “I’m serious,” or even (I don’t recommend this one) “I swear to God.” In our law courts, for many years, people swore on a Bible that their statements were truthful. While this is no longer mandatory, people still have to express in some way their understanding that the truth is necessary. To this day elected officials frequently choose to take their oaths of office on a Bible.

The first example of this concept was when Eliezer placed his hand under Abraham’s thigh and promised to fulfill his mission properly. Under the thigh is a euphemism for Abraham’s circumcised genitals.  Even today, cultural memory lingers in the word “testify” which comes from testicles.  We can connect with God by touching a holy item.  There was no Bible extant at that time so Eliezer put his hand on the only ‘holy’ item available, which was that area of the body that had been elevated through God’s commandment of circumcision. Placing his hand “under Abraham’s thigh” was the equivalent of taking an oath with God as one’s witness. Eliezer was acknowledging that while Abraham might never know if he functioned with complete integrity, God would.

Surely, a society functions better when each individual knows that whether or not other people ever become aware of his or her actions, God does. Being able to trust each other’s words is another building block of society.  This idea is laid out in this early part of Genesis. 

Dear Mike,

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we lived in a world where only loving and beneficial relationships between parents and children existed? Unfortunately, our world is far from perfect and many children face the same struggle as you and your siblings do.

My view is that since you are Catholic, you should follow the teachings of your faith. However, your paramount obligation as a parent is to protect your children. If it is safe for your children to see your father in a supervised setting, than that is great. If, however, even that exposure can harm your children, then there is no reason to feel guilty about minimizing or cutting off contact for your children.

You should also make certain that personal abrasiveness and semi-normal family fights are not unjustifiably being construed as evil. This is best done by consulting with someone who knows the family but is not personally and emotionally involved.

As for yourself, self-protection is also an important idea. You cannot ignore your father, but neither do you need to put yourself in situations which invite abuse. You need to make sure your father’s physical needs (food, shelter, etc.) are being met, but that can be through a third party and even using your father’s resources.

If your father was healthy, spiritually and mentally, he would want only the best for his children and grandchildren. After his passing, when he reaches the world of truth, he will rejoice if you and your family are living a healthy life, even if, sadly, that meant sharing little of that life with him.
 

Scott,

In a few weeks we will celebrate the holyday of Passover. At the end of the special agenda for that night is a song that is often mistakenly thought of as a children’s song. In fact, this song, “Who knows One?”  describes a cornerstone of Judaism, which is that each number has an intrinsic and important association. Once you understand that fact you can realize that numbers in Scripture as well as in the natural world are clues with which to understand reality.

In the Passover song, the number eight’s main association is circumcision which occurs on the eighth day of a Jewish baby boy’s life. When you understand the essence of circumcision it becomes clear why Chanuka is the only eight day holyday and why the octave has eight sounds.

If you are scrunching up your head at this point, we actually cover this idea in detail in our audio CD, Festival of Lights: Transform Your 24/7 Existence Into a 25/8 Life.

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin
 

Dear Ricky,

I don’t mean to sound obnoxious but it isn’t a case of what I think; it is a case of what is the truth. I know people extract all sorts of different opinions from the Bible, but I have devoted my life to studying the Torah as it was transmitted to me from my father who learned from the previous generation in a chain that goes back to the days of Moses on Mt. Sinai.

There is no question that capitalism comes closer to a Biblical view than socialism. The entire Torah including the obligation to give charity is rooted in the idea of people having money and possessions.

There are numerous commandments to ensure that capitalism is used correctly. I like to use the term “ethical capitalism” to try and convey the Torah’s position. However, as I discuss in depth in my audio CD, Tower of Power, and my book, Thou Shall Prosper, God rejoices when individuals assert their creativity and interact economically with each other.
Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Joe,

You are referring to a point I condensed for the Ziglar newsletter that I speak about in my book, Thou Shall Prosper: Ten Commandments for Making Money. You may have the most wonderful skills and ideas, but they lose value if you aren’t able to speak about them fluently. One way to make your presentation more fluent is to practice speaking. A first step on that path can be to read other people’s words out loud.

I would suggest that you start by reading famous speeches rather than a book. I personally enjoy the speeches of Winston Churchill, but Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg address and Martin Luther King’s ‘I Have a Dream speech’ are also excellent. Try a variety of different styles and see how you can adapt your language to speak more forcefully. Take note of the language used. To speak successfully you may need to move out of your comfort zone and practice expanding your vocabulary or varying your intonation.

For variety, find a small child and read pre-school books to him. Changing your voice, inflection and speed as you become the different characters in the book is a wonderful way to get comfortable with a wider range of vocalization. Little kids are wonderful critics – they won’t ask you to read the book again if you are boring. Once you have read the book a dozen or so times, try to tell it, by heart, to a different child, unfamiliar with the plot. It doesn’t matter if you change some words, you will know if you can keep your young friend’s attention.

One way to succeed in business is to make sure you have something of value to add to a company. However, you also need to be able to let others know of your assets and this is most often done through effective speaking.

Dear Fred,

If you have listened to my audio CD, The Ten Commandments, you already know that those ‘commandments’  are actually ten statements which encapsulate man’s relationship with God and with his fellow man. Each one is a stepping stone to the next level of interaction.

The oral transmission of ancient Jewish wisdom since Sinai fills in the areas where a perfect law intersects with imperfect people. Ideally, all parents would be loving and competent; unfortunately this is not so in reality. There is an exquisite tension balancing adherence to an absolute standard with functioning in the real world. One could technically observe the entire Torah and yet be considered disgusting in God’s eyes because of the spirit in which one does so and conversely one could be beloved in God’s eyes though not meticulous in observance. God will judge us all by His own measures.

The fact that some parents fall extraordinarily far from how the ideal is a problem, but not a good reason to abolish the unique relationship between parents and children as some socialist experiments encouraged. A case could be made that all children should be raised in scrupulously regulated government institutions because some children are abused and even killed by their parents. Yet, almost everyone understands that more children would suffer under institutional conditions, not fewer. So as a society we protect the parent/child relationship while doing what we can to protect individual, unfortunate children. 

Judaism resolves this paradox by commanding everyone to honor his or her parents. But ‘honoring’ is a specific way of behaving; it is not decided by each person’s own conscience or desire. There are times when one is obligated not to follow a parent’s wishes, for example if a parent would tell a child not to marry so that he is better able to care for that parent. Having abusive parents doesn’t nullify the commandment, however it affects in what way that ‘honoring’ is carried out.

So, I would not say that the Ten Commandments at face value are enough to guide a society. However, we can be sure that running a society without being guided by them is a sure recipe for certain failure.

Your rabbi,
Daniel Lapin
 

Dear June,

I actually can’t answer the question as you phrased it. You are referring to the book of Judges in which the prophetess, Devorah, is called, “the wife of Lapidot.” When she later leads the Israelites in battle, she does so with a general named Barak.

However, the way you phrased it suggests that rabbis come up with various theories which other rabbis either agree with or dispute.  In any event, the implication is that there is no such thing as true reality because it all just depends on countless layers of interpretation imposed upon the Biblical story by generations of fallible rabbis with good imaginations.

God didn’t intend Scripture as a history book, hence there is a discussion in ancient Jewish wisdom as to whether Job actually existed.  The point is not the history but the relevant and practical information conveyed to us by the Biblical verses and the clues embedded in their language.

All Hebrew names in Scripture have meaning and Lapidot means torches. It can also mean ‘wicks’, so the phrase in Judges is that Devorah is a woman, or the wife of, wicks. As you mention, Barak does mean lightning. But when you say that rabbis draw a conclusion from this that the two men are one and the same, you are putting the cart before the horse.

For thousands of years ancient Jewish wisdom has transmitted what began as an oral tradition of how God explained Scripture to Moses. Over the years some of this was written down, but much remains oral. Thus the point is not that rabbis looked at the similarity in meaning of the names Lapidot and Barak and guessed that they might be the same man. No, the point is that it was indeed the same man and ancient Jewish wisdom teaches how the change in name reveals growth and change in stature.

As is so often the case, as a wise wife, Deborah guided her husband toward the enlightenment (wicks, torches, and lightning) for which she knew he yearned.  He thus grew from Lapidot to Barak.

This matters because we must understand that it is not a piece of Bible or biography trivia but that there are profound lessons of both personal and communal significance that can benefit us today when we understand the relationships between Devorah and her husband. 

On one level we can learn from the story as it reads on the surface and then we can go deeper and learn more when we explore the personal relationships among the protagonists.

Your rabbi,

Daniel Lapin
 

Dear Debbie,

While you always lose some meaning when the original Hebrew is translated into English, some words have been totally misconstrued. The Hebrew word ‘TaMeH’ which appears in Deuteronomy 14:10, Leviticus 22:4 and in over a hundred and thirty other places in the Five Books of Moses, frequently appears in English as ‘unclean’ or ‘impure.’ To be blunt, those are atrocious translations.

The word ‘TaMeH’ and its opposite ‘TaHoR’ deserve many hours’ worth of study to begin to plumb their depths.   But to give you a working definition as a starting point, ‘TaMeH’ implies a subtle and subconscious association with death and ‘TaHoR’ suggests an association with life.

While death is a reality in the world, we need to be careful to prevent it overwhelming us, either with grief, or a feeling of futility or with becoming inured and callous. For this reason, when a person came in contact with a dead body or anything else which could induce in him a feeling of deathliness, steps were provided that allowed the person to acknowledge death while rejoining the living in a healthy and life enhancing manner.  This is all part of ‘Therefore choose life.’ (Deuteronomy 30:19)

So, in the verse to which you refer, one doesn’t become unclean, but one experiences a brush with death which makes it difficult to carry on in an emotionally vigorous way without a method of leaving the ‘TaMeH’ behind. There is so much more and we try to provide a bit of a deeper understanding in our Torah teachings.

May God bless your Torah studies.

Rabbi Daniel and Susan Lapin,
 

Dear Diana,

Did we tell this story on the TV show?

A number of years ago we took our children hiking on a beautiful mountain trail not far from our home. On our way up, we stopped at a viewpoint and were joined by a group of parents and children coming down. The adults making up that party included many mothers and one father. As we shared the scenery we chatted and discovered that the father wasn’t married to any of the women. As a stay at home dad, he had responded to a notice seeking ‘stay at home moms’ who were looking to get together for trips, park outings and other activities.

This neighborhood gathering was obviously accustomed to explaining the co-ed make-up of the group, and the women and man seemed tickled at how progressive and modern they all were in expanding the concept to ‘stay at home parents’ rather than limiting it by gender. While it wasn’t our place to comment to these friendly folk, in talking privately to each other, my husband and I agreed that this was courting trouble.

There are tremendously powerful forces that God built into this world, and one of the most powerful is that of sexual attraction. Properly used it enhances our lives immeasurably. However, improperly used, it is highly destructive.

We take as a given that the overwhelming majority of platonic friendships are initiated with the purest of intentions. Certainly, not all of them proceed to flirtatiousness or further improper behavior. However, there is no advance test that can tell you which relationships will end up leading to misery. Even if the friendship stays physically chaste, the emotional connection of one spouse to a person of the opposite sex is a form of betrayal.

Platonic relationships between single men and women have their own set of difficulties, among which is how to handle things when either friend gets married. All in all, breaking down barriers between the sexes is one of those ‘societal advancements’ which has not lived up to its promise.

Rabbi and Susan Lapin
 

Dear Carri,

Dear Trina,

You are absolutely correct that there is an emphasis on New Moon in the Torah. To this day, observant Jews pay close attention to the lunar cycle and will know which phase the moon is in. The Jewish calendar and the dates of all the feast and festivals are set according to a lunar calendar which also adds to the significance of the monthly event of New Moon.

Each month there is a mini-holyday, called Rosh Chodesh, when the new month starts. On this day (or in some months two days) there are special prayers, men and women dress up a little more than usual and we have a more festive meal than we might otherwise. 

 Most specifically, it is a special day for women.  Women were granted an extra share of Rosh Chodesh celebration because they did not participate in the sin of the Golden Calf. For this reason, women take a break from some chores, like doing laundry. (Susan's note: I have tried for years to convince my husband that this means that he should do the laundry on Rosh Chodesh, but so far the task still waits for me on the next day.)

The Jewish people are compared to the moon with its waxing and waning. Even when it looks as if the moon has disappeared, it is, in fact, beginning its renewal. As such it is a symbol both of hope and God's faithfulness.

Rabbi and Susan Lapin  

Dear John,

At speeches across America, literally thousands of people have asked me your very question—“How can I learn to read and understand Hebrew?”  Your desire to learn the Lord’s language is well placed.  Sometimes when I read an English translation of a Bible portion I happen to be studying, I feel deep compassion for those who love the Bible but can only enjoy its wisdom in English.  To me, it feels like standing outside a wonderful gourmet restaurant and reading the menu posted in the window but never being allowed inside to enjoy the feast. 
This is why I worked for many years to create a program that would teach anyone, even folks with zero background, to read Hebrew and begin to understand it in no more than fifteen hours.  Over fifteen years, this program was successfully used in my synagogue in Los Angeles to teach Hebrew to thousands.  

Since then, I have been working on putting this marvelous program on video DVDs which I think is exactly what you seek.  Just think of it, an investment of only fifteen hours. 

How I wish that I could now point you to my Learn Hebrew DVD series, but, alas, I cannot.  It is not yet done because we currently lack the capital to assign to this exciting project.  We are working toward solving this problem and pray that we will be able to release this product before too much more time elapses. 

I will tell you this:  The widespread mistake that is commonly made is to teach Hebrew as if it were just another language like French, Bulgarian, or Swahili.  It is not.  Instead, Hebrew is sheer magic, a glorious blend of sounds, shapes, and ideas that allows your soul to soar over the landscape of all reality.  It has to be taught in a quite unique fashion.

Your letter has encouraged me to struggle to finish that work for which I thank you.  Meanwhile, please immerse yourself in the Study Guides that accompany each volume of my Genesis Journeys series and study my book Buried Treasure: Secrets of the Lord's Language.  There may also be other resources with which I am not familiar.  I'm sorry not to be of any help.

Daniel “your rabbi” Lapin